In 2021, I’m Reclaiming a Remarkable Life
While I’m not making huge New Year’s resolutions after the aftermath of 2020, I do have one. To figure out what content I want to put out into the world, and it hasn’t been easy. Most times when I sit down to write, I just blink a million times before giving up and working out, but that’s not helpful to anyone.
And it also allows me to give into the giant imposter syndrome I’ve been feeling for almost a year now. I feel like I’d be lying if I gave financial advice because I’m no longer successful by personal finance metrics.
I live at home, work part time at a coffee shop, and check my bank account obsessively to see if I have enough money for gas. I’ve overdrawn four times in the last nine months. Thankfully, I was paid the very next day and things worked out okay, but I’ve been feeling financially unstable. And more weeks than not, I’m living off of tip money.
It’s hard to dole out money advice when you feel financially unstable.
But not so unstable that you’re worried about food or a roof over your head.
I’m very lucky to have the privilege to live with my mom. I pay rent, but well below market rate, and that allows me to continue investing five percent of my paycheck into a 401(k). I’m also very lucky that my job offers health insurance to part time employees. I wouldn’t be able to afford it otherwise, even with the Obamacare subsidiaries. I looked into that when considering a different job at a non profit.
I still invest in a brokerage account (although right now I’m only contributing $15/month) and I save a little each paycheck in an emergency fund.
That money, however, is being eaten up rather quickly by grad school, and this does everything to add to my money stress.
This leaves me in a strange space so many young millennials and GenZ folks find ourselves. Too privileged to feel poor, but too poor to feel successful.
On the other hand though, I’m still pretty rich. I have quite a bit of money in investments, and I’m getting closer to being debt free, although my net worth is still staunchly negative. And the two in combination feel unsettling. And what does one do with that?
Well, I took a year off from writing. I wrote a total of 10 blog posts last year, a huge decline from my almost 52 the year before. I also scrubbed my blog of a lot of personal posts. I kept some I loved, but most, I felt like they didn’t describe me anymore – so away they went. Now, I only have half of last year’s content available on my website.
It was a digital cleanse that left me feeling lighter, but also didn’t give me room to expand upon. And I’ve been thinking a lot about that. How do I couch my privilege in my cash poor life? Many people I know, and many friends, simply can’t afford to make the investment decisions I can, because they don’t live at home. They’re working second jobs to pay for apartments and busting their ass to save for maternity leaves that the United States just doesn’t cover. How can I speak to that?
And I’m still not sure. But this year is about finding out. And not letting myself sit in the shadows of a remarkable life.
I love writing. I love sharing thoughts and advice and encouraging people to spend money. I spent $200 on dog classes this year, and I’ve budgeted for almost $1,000 to put into her training this year. It’s been one of the best decisions I’ve made.
I’ve committed to being allowed to stress about money and also allowing myself to spend money. And encouraging others to do the same. Do I worry about my budget sometimes? Absolutely, but do I still budget for things that bring me joy? Of course.
I don’t want to lose that part of myself, and last year, I did.
So this year, I’m committed to writing again, to laughing again, to spending money again. And to living a remarkable life.
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Love the blog Moriah! I know that everyone goes through “Imposter Syndrome” and it’s a completely normal phase. Keep being yourself and we appreciate your vulnerability and transparency! Keep up the great work!
Thank you! I’m really excited for this year – even with all the imposter syndrome. Everyone has to start somewhere (or restart somewhere I guess).
Get it, girl!!!
Thank you! That’s the goal, haha.