How Embracing Codependent Recovery Helps My Year of Fun

One of the books I’ve read in preparation for my Year of Fun is Codependent No More. Written by Melody Beattlie, part memoir, part research, the book goes over major strategies to help eliminate codependent behaviors from your daily life and embrace a life of recovery. Written originally to help partners of alcoholics and drug addicts, it’s been helpful for me despite not being the target audience.

I still have codependent attitudes I picked up from my family history of trauma. Codependency is common in trauma babies – even if substance abuse wasn’t prevalent in the home. And now is as good a year as any to address them. I want to gain more independence throughout the next year. I’m framing it as a Year of Fun because that’s what I need to embark on this journey. Adulthood, I’ve decided, is supposed to be fun. We just have to make it that way.

So, what did I learn?

Detach when the situation is too emotional

Detaching from emotional situations allows you to have a better perspective on the situation. If you feel yourself going crazy trying to fix something, take a moment, breathe, and reassert yourself. You’ll feel better addressing the problem with fresh eyes.

This method also requires you to have agency. You never have to rely on someone completely. I know I struggle with this and making my own decisions about things. But thankfully I have an accountability buddy who reminds me when I’m giving up agency. You can only focus on yourself, she often reminds me. I do the same for her, sometimes, too.

Set Firmer Boundaries

I’m terrible at boundaries. I try to set up my life so that I don’t have to set them, but that keeps me from exploring so many different things. So I’ve resolved, in part due to this book, to set firmer boundaries. Boundaries help with fun, too. I can’t do this because I’m doing that.

I’m a pushover. It’s really easy for me to say no and then cave under pressure. I don’t love this about myself but it’s true. I’m setting up activities which force me to set boundaries. For instance, I took my dog to the park with a friend and told the children (to their dismay) that they couldn’t pet Sylvia. It was hard, but rewarding, and I enjoyed the park. So it was a fun activity.

I’m actually going to be reading (for fun) another book on setting boundaries this summer. I’ve checked it out at the library, and I know I’ll enjoy it. Partially because I find psychology interesting. (I’m hoping I’ll have time to keep reading, even through my masters).

Set Goals and Achieve Them

Toward the latter half of the book, she took to goal setting. I love goal setting. It’s one of the things I’m best at, and it’s fun for me to set goals. Really fun. When I was a money blogger, I set audacious money goals and surpassed them. It elated me. But with such a long project, I want to temper my goal setting. I’ll still use SMART goals, but not as many.

She said setting your own goals helps you from being the wind in someone else’s sails. I did that in my marriage, and I don’t want to do that anymore. So this year, I’m chasing my own goals, regardless of someone else.

What is a smart goal?

In brevity (I could write a whole post on this), a smart goal is a Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound goal. The acronym spells SMART.

S – I want to have fun

M – I’ll attend 4 fun events a month

A – Once a week is a good amount

R – Will I be having fun at the events I choose? The answer should be yes

T – This project will last for a year

Getting out of Books What I Put Into Them

I sifted through a lot of this book to get the nuggets I needed out of it. A lot of stuff was inapplicable because no one I love struggles with alcoholism. However, these three nuggets – setting goals, setting boundaries, and detaching – have already taken a lot of stress out of my life, and I’m glad I read the book.

To be honest, I’m not sure if I’m a codependent or not. Not enough of the book resonated with me to say I’m firmly in that camp. But I am on a yearlong journey of self-discovery and play. In places where this book addressed that, I felt myself compelled to do the after chapter summary activities.

Posted in Year of Fun

Moriah Joy

Moriah Chace founded this site in 2018 to narrate the money journey she and her husband were on. After their divorce, she pivoted and is now tackling living well on a low income budget. She is currently the editor at Poorer than You. And she has words in Live Better, Deal Taker, and EcoFrugals. As part time barista and a full time coffee addict, she currently attends UTA for a master's in Civil Engineering and wants to change the world one high speed train at a time.

How Embracing Codependent Recovery Helps My Year of Fun

Detach when the situation is too emotional

Set Firmer Boundaries

Set Goals and Achieve Them

What is a smart goal?

Getting out of Books What I Put Into Them

Moriah Joy

Other posts you may like:

Prepping for June: Month One

Joy in the mundane, or how I’ve learned to enjoy meal prepping

12 Themes of Fun: How I’m Structuring My Experiment

41 Comments

Leave a ReplyCancel reply

Get In Touch!

Disclaimer

About Me